Thursday, 13 June 2019

Living With Criminals

Last night someone tried playing with my door - tried to test if it would open. *worry*

Typical of drugs users I live around -anything to get their hit.

Could be anyone.

Been quite a few rebellish people move in, so is a worry.

I have to worry about a lot of people used to know as well -wonder about the association with this girl and haters that are jealous about attachment, or hate for it.

Short post, will update in future.

**thought would add, been suffering from past memories, so many bad moments in life.

Wednesday, 24 April 2019

Heart is fucked from Clozapine

Today this medication caught up to me, they are trying to blame it on other things, trying to absolve themselves of the responsibility.(typical)
Known drug for heart issues, and giving up weed for a year now physical problems are going to happen.

I was rushed to an ECG and blood test, find out the results perhaps Friday.

Not good news, as said previously I am going to die.

Wish me luck. 

Tuesday, 16 April 2019

Sparatic sicknesses, heart pains, brain pains and eye strain and mental fatigue and anxiety.

I have been as the title states, suffering from physical pains - but also mental. The mental being this edge where I seem to need to take a few showers and lay down -the time spanning of this is oblivious mostly where I can not recall the actual agitated state.

The physical - pains in the lower chest, where I get this like stitch and have to keep adjusting myself. The heart; very scary feeling of blood flow or something going wrong causing pain. The brain; pains in head literally internally and causing eye strain.

I am also getting blood pressure problems I think where my legs and arms go dead - it's bloody annoying. [numb and tingly]

No idea if this is an offshoot of connecting to this girl - but who knows. Its probably just clozapine taking me on a death run - the shit can't be trusted 'mass sedatives'. [as they say, can cause heart problems and you guessed it they don't care] Too many incidents experiences with what they call delusions which were voice manipulated fantasies. Government classification will be the death of me.

So really as can see my body has been 'narrowed' into a form of physical problems - not happy. Too many years of sedative use which basically as can imagine shuts down parts of the body.

The only thing to look forward to is getting 150 extra this week - yay! It seems small and it is, but its as good as can get with the public trustee, but honestly with mums help they have been good to me and saving.

This is a bit like 'the hotel royale' from TNG, an astronaut gets trapped in a casino reality his captors thought he would like - but yep I don't like the setup - too many years for different issues I see that simply can not be proven to a dumb assed psychiatrist who believe voices come from the head - think about it how fucking thick are this lot, mental health is piled up with classificated stories/themes.
Even my family cannot be told about the extents - because they are wrapped up in psychiatry bullshit they think is true. -the extents are disgusting, literally, captors playing 'alien Jesus in a war' with patients, obvious signs of experimentation extremes - it is fucking ill.

Well back to my hotel room in the casino, as I await my early death.

Thursday, 4 April 2019

Weakness and a Blind System

I have been quite worried I am going to die, all mental health care about is medication, they do not see that years of sedative based medications on someone raised on amphetamines is complexing - I figure I will die and perhaps within a not that long of a time.

I am rightfully pissed off that police seem to cover up this plot of voices being of technological means, I can try to say the truth but it's so bad it's just seen as my mental health issue, instead of I being perhaps one of the only ones on point on this issue.

What a life - ruined from the start from technological assailants, literally targetted and preyed upon by assailants but you can not prove it and police would rather keep this reach silent instead of alarming the masses into action. (I do not agree, they are medicating people for technological assault)

Where is the Godly system of care - 'in god you don't trust' - sickening levels of fantropic manipulations, patients thinking they are in a war and being sold supportive theorems that have had much practice. If I could not avoid it how is a disabled patient going to? Making friends with their captors and all - you are talking sickening levels of manipulations.

Hate runs deep because that is all I am presented with, yeh the police have left me alone - good - but I will die without any truth revealed to my actual life -Fuck the System.

And what is happening with my attachment to this girl? whoever she is. Doing something unnatural has not paid off, for all I know its thought insertion levels even though my belief was that thought level technology existed why doing something to this level, a failsafe for vocal technologies. I guess she wants to keep it quiet, which is probably best - to be honest, I regret it, it is very intrusive and not a functional way to have a relationship without seeing the person.

Getting heart pains and head pains - these medications will kill me and part of my death will be mental health psychiatrists not knowing the real-life extents.  I mean I told them voices were not something hundreds of thousands develop in their brain - and she said it is mentally formed - I mean how fucking thick are these people, right in front of them. (obvious play-toying manipulations)

The system is rotten and the only thing barely keeping me alive is sharing experiences with the attachment. (must be shocking for her though, the ab-normal happening) Did mental health axe her? Did she tell anyone? - or is this also in my imagination 'mental health' -
Also, some of the info-graphics I did are alien - so I know - still I am stuffed under psychiatry like I am the next mad fool.

In my opinion, I will die before mental health get real help - before someone points out I made an effort to expose these issues of technological assailants.

Not good, Not good in the least.

Tuesday, 12 March 2019

The 'Keeping Me Alive'

After all I been through, it is a nice surprise now and then to realise I have a decent girl attached to me.

I suffer from mistreatment for voices and many other things, I used to hold such rage at a girl in past for messing with me when younger, though really I brought it on myself through harassment.

It's just lovely to sit back and think after my shockingly miserable life 'I have a girl close' even though second thought is usually it reveals nothing about her. [she knows what I am up to but not me knowing what she is up to] it's very distant.

Of course, there is an afterthought that it is not real, that its all part of voices brainwashing (recipient technology I believe) but I end up thinking that it is real, even though I heard nothing to that effect.

It's just nice sometimes to share, even though its only one way (wish it was not) but then if it was not one way it would be very intrusive  -- you have to worry that the insight could have you seen as an animal really, what goes on beyond closed doors (farting, chewing nails etc.)

It is just nice to think, one person knows I am smart enough to do something pretty much godly. (vanity relief perhaps)

Because of this 'skill', I achieved - its just nice to think I can achieve something.

Will update more in future. BLOG!

Monday, 25 February 2019

The Hot Weather

Its been shocking lately in the house, the hot weather is creeping up on me.

I am still sometimes getting a beeping noise in the house, which I relate to being police, not sure why I think this I guess they think my case is alien perhaps. They missed all the action anyways when I had ghosts turn up (classified as mental health)

I am still connected to this girl, I can't see any reason why that would change. Its only one way thought, she can read me and I just have a slight awareness she is there, but its private for her not for me.

Just drinking some pine and mango soda at moment, trying to stay cool with a huge week of hot temps on the horizon.

I am really angry about mental health and the way aliens visiting or ghosts etc. is just classed as mental health problems -seems anything abnormal is classed as mental health and the only people that know any different is probably security agencies (which pisses me off they are allowing such mistreatment of the fact) -What can you do? -I just try to bring attention to it with my site but I don't have the reach.

And they wonder why I used non-cognition height to connect with a girl - such mistreatment.
I gather the security agencies see this voices technology as needs to be kept quiet - fucking assholes mass mistreatment - yes the person gets anxious but it's from a culprit obviously - #massvoicetechnology (beep noise here showing the appearance of agreeable)

About the beeps, they missed the time where my head was on fire and needed to make a wired crown to put on the head - for relief and yes it relieved - some sort of electric-wave they mess up your mind with?

I am just living in pissed off states, constantly the rape of me by an aboriginal girl in the ward years ago brings out such hate in me -not happy when reported they did nothing I know it really happened to have the abusive memories of the incident.

All I have to my name is the fact I connected to this girl, I have no idea who it is though -seldom comforts really.

Well that is about all, will write another post soon but I am not getting visitors here anyways.

Stay Cool, and I will try to do the same in this shocking heat! :)

Tuesday, 29 January 2019

Beep Beep Noises (tap, tap, tap)

I have been getting beeping noises lately, my thinking is police taps? but how could it be I know this is wrong thought.

I am not sure why suddenly they are doing it, the voices have almost completely ceased (volume not audible) less than whispers. [no dummy its technology, not a mental problem]

I have had some energy to write posts for the blog but nothing like I used to. Medication is a problem causing a thoughtless state of mind - not happy. [technology used to convict/treat a person] ANGER...

In good news, I have had some luck with ranking in Bing and Yahoo also DuckDuckGo, but... no luck even listing for my keywords in Google [example: I am ranking on the first page in for 'australia latest news' 3rd page for 'australian latest news']

I am still having problems mentally, perhaps sign of mental deficiency to come; an agitation mentally, showering a lot - not sure if its because the second conscious girl is taking drugs! who knows... up to her. [ it must be a lot of drama being connected in somewhat way ]

Well, I am plodding along, staying alive by watching Star Trek...will update this blog later, keep an eye out, not that I get any visitors.