Tuesday, 8 October 2019

In Sickness but not in Health

I have been very unwell, medication is a temporary fix only, which I have to keep taking (withdrawals, even though they are not supposed to be addictive)

Chest/lung pains, lower pains in guts, the head/brain strain of some kind with eyes. -not to forget to mention coughing and spitting on cigarettes till choke, it is that bad.

As thought would happen medication has made me fat and unwell physically -weakened immunity to just functioning of the body.

Fucking pissed off - probably will die within a few years, the physique is that bad.

The only comfort is that I was able to achieve a second conscious so to speak.

Mental health have ruined my life really.

In sickness but not in health.


Monday, 12 August 2019

Update

I have been feeling very dislascic from non-cognition forwarding sent to me from the girl connected to.

It is a tropic agitation that I have to deal with, medication does not really help it.

I have been ok besides that.

Still getting this beeping noise, which I just have to calculate perhaps I have interest from some form of Government. (not sure what to make of it)
[they are watching because I managed to psychic connect to someone, perhaps a danger, or the worst possible of being the terrorists behind the voices are playing trusting games etc] 'who knows' Maybe my pieces of information are reason watching/listening.

I move my body back and forth all the time, in alleviations - you would think I would lose weight with how much I do it - its caused by this second conscious - medication barely suppresses it -

I do not get visitors to this blog, so I rarely post - but it is helpful to know where I stand.

I am quite concerned about the voices even though do not get them loud anymore, barely can even hear them - but I actually was able to record some of it that was through TV, but there is no such thing as it being real to policing, so a concern - literally bugged through TV somehow (yeh mental health stigma) I am furious at that mental health to have to go through, and these idiot psychs annoy me with their fake views - if only they knew.

What can you do? they classify the conspiracy standards. Mental health is being medicated and more for real events - fuck the system simply, even if you manage to do what I did and connect to someone - you still have to live like your words are false, I been through hell as I showed on my twitter page, must fight, but I do not have the reach -

Simply, fuck the ways things are with mental health, mass voices conspiracy literally.

That is all I have to say - as my body gets more and more problems caused by these serious level medications, which cause illness themselves as I found out the hard way. Schizophrenia? aliens? Jesus? all signs of massive play toying - the extents of manipulating a person, I should not have even been charged with my crimes in a rational world.

Fuck The System, how I feel after the extents of delusion I was forced into from voices, literally ghosts appearing etc. magical things happen and you have to get medicated for it.
Fuck it - enough said.




Thursday, 13 June 2019

Living With Criminals

Last night someone tried playing with my door - tried to test if it would open. *worry*

Typical of drugs users I live around -anything to get their hit.

Could be anyone.

Been quite a few rebellish people move in, so is a worry.

I have to worry about a lot of people used to know as well -wonder about the association with this girl and haters that are jealous about attachment, or hate for it.

Short post, will update in future.

**thought would add, been suffering from past memories, so many bad moments in life.






Wednesday, 24 April 2019

Heart is fucked from Clozapine

Today this medication caught up to me, they are trying to blame it on other things, trying to absolve themselves of the responsibility.(typical)
Known drug for heart issues, and giving up weed for a year now physical problems are going to happen.

I was rushed to an ECG and blood test, find out the results perhaps Friday.

Not good news, as said previously I am going to die.

Wish me luck. 

Tuesday, 16 April 2019

Sparatic sicknesses, heart pains, brain pains and eye strain and mental fatigue and anxiety.

I have been as the title states, suffering from physical pains - but also mental. The mental being this edge where I seem to need to take a few showers and lay down -the time spanning of this is oblivious mostly where I can not recall the actual agitated state.

The physical - pains in the lower chest, where I get this like stitch and have to keep adjusting myself. The heart; very scary feeling of blood flow or something going wrong causing pain. The brain; pains in head literally internally and causing eye strain.

I am also getting blood pressure problems I think where my legs and arms go dead - it's bloody annoying. [numb and tingly]

No idea if this is an offshoot of connecting to this girl - but who knows. Its probably just clozapine taking me on a death run - the shit can't be trusted 'mass sedatives'. [as they say, can cause heart problems and you guessed it they don't care] Too many incidents experiences with what they call delusions which were voice manipulated fantasies. Government classification will be the death of me.

So really as can see my body has been 'narrowed' into a form of physical problems - not happy. Too many years of sedative use which basically as can imagine shuts down parts of the body.

The only thing to look forward to is getting 150 extra this week - yay! It seems small and it is, but its as good as can get with the public trustee, but honestly with mums help they have been good to me and saving.

This is a bit like 'the hotel royale' from TNG, an astronaut gets trapped in a casino reality his captors thought he would like - but yep I don't like the setup - too many years for different issues I see that simply can not be proven to a dumb assed psychiatrist who believe voices come from the head - think about it how fucking thick are this lot, mental health is piled up with classificated stories/themes.
Even my family cannot be told about the extents - because they are wrapped up in psychiatry bullshit they think is true. -the extents are disgusting, literally, captors playing 'alien Jesus in a war' with patients, obvious signs of experimentation extremes - it is fucking ill.

Well back to my hotel room in the casino, as I await my early death.


Thursday, 4 April 2019

Weakness and a Blind System

I have been quite worried I am going to die, all mental health care about is medication, they do not see that years of sedative based medications on someone raised on amphetamines is complexing - I figure I will die and perhaps within a not that long of a time.

I am rightfully pissed off that police seem to cover up this plot of voices being of technological means, I can try to say the truth but it's so bad it's just seen as my mental health issue, instead of I being perhaps one of the only ones on point on this issue.

What a life - ruined from the start from technological assailants, literally targetted and preyed upon by assailants but you can not prove it and police would rather keep this reach silent instead of alarming the masses into action. (I do not agree, they are medicating people for technological assault)

FUCK THIS SYSTEM.
Where is the Godly system of care - 'in god you don't trust' - sickening levels of fantropic manipulations, patients thinking they are in a war and being sold supportive theorems that have had much practice. If I could not avoid it how is a disabled patient going to? Making friends with their captors and all - you are talking sickening levels of manipulations.

Hate runs deep because that is all I am presented with, yeh the police have left me alone - good - but I will die without any truth revealed to my actual life -Fuck the System.

And what is happening with my attachment to this girl? whoever she is. Doing something unnatural has not paid off, for all I know its thought insertion levels even though my belief was that thought level technology existed why doing something to this level, a failsafe for vocal technologies. I guess she wants to keep it quiet, which is probably best - to be honest, I regret it, it is very intrusive and not a functional way to have a relationship without seeing the person.

Getting heart pains and head pains - these medications will kill me and part of my death will be mental health psychiatrists not knowing the real-life extents.  I mean I told them voices were not something hundreds of thousands develop in their brain - and she said it is mentally formed - I mean how fucking thick are these people, right in front of them. (obvious play-toying manipulations)

The system is rotten and the only thing barely keeping me alive is sharing experiences with the attachment. (must be shocking for her though, the ab-normal happening) Did mental health axe her? Did she tell anyone? - or is this also in my imagination 'mental health' -
Also, some of the info-graphics I did are alien - so I know - still I am stuffed under psychiatry like I am the next mad fool.

In my opinion, I will die before mental health get real help - before someone points out I made an effort to expose these issues of technological assailants.

Not good, Not good in the least.


Tuesday, 12 March 2019

The 'Keeping Me Alive'

After all I been through, it is a nice surprise now and then to realise I have a decent girl attached to me.

I suffer from mistreatment for voices and many other things, I used to hold such rage at a girl in past for messing with me when younger, though really I brought it on myself through harassment.

It's just lovely to sit back and think after my shockingly miserable life 'I have a girl close' even though second thought is usually it reveals nothing about her. [she knows what I am up to but not me knowing what she is up to] it's very distant.

Of course, there is an afterthought that it is not real, that its all part of voices brainwashing (recipient technology I believe) but I end up thinking that it is real, even though I heard nothing to that effect.

It's just nice sometimes to share, even though its only one way (wish it was not) but then if it was not one way it would be very intrusive  -- you have to worry that the insight could have you seen as an animal really, what goes on beyond closed doors (farting, chewing nails etc.)

It is just nice to think, one person knows I am smart enough to do something pretty much godly. (vanity relief perhaps)

Because of this 'skill', I achieved - its just nice to think I can achieve something.

Will update more in future. BLOG!